And I lost it..

My kids were frozen in place when I started screaming. Who knew there was a voice inside me like that? Edgar went from blue to green to yellow to orange in less than 1 hour (8-9am). What a splendid way to start off my Tuesday! I screamed in his face so loudly that he had to cover his ears and twitched each time I started a new sentence. Here's the thing. I can project really well and it's not that hard to hear me down a hallway during dismissal or on the playground, but I didn't know I could reach that type of anger point.. until it actually happened. Edgar, having a rough day, started flinging books across my library. I spent my own money on those books. The money for those books could have gone to other things, I don't know, like college loans or beer money or rent expenses. But no, I wanted my children to have books.. and this is the type of thank you I receive? The principal took one look at me and knew something was up. At that moment, I wasn't so upset with Edgar, I was upset with myself. I hate when I become that person.. I always wonder if I will be that teacher that Joshua and Edgar talk about many years from now. The teacher they hated. I don't usually use this term, but Edgar and I had a come to Jesus moment after the screaming match. I yelled so loudly that I brought him to tears. After, we talked about it and had quite the turn around. Today, he was a blue star student! No idea how that happened, but I'll take it. He really does need that positive reinforcement and I find that he loves to hear encouraging comments from me.. he asked me today if I was proud of him. I wonder how often he hears that at home. So, I give the kid some love.. and he gives me a better day.

He was the first one to run up to me when I told them I'd be in the dunk tank next week. For one dollar, all of the second graders, have the chance to throw three balls at the target and attempt to dunk me. Amanda has made it perfectly clear that she will hit the target if she is unsuccessful in dunking me. I'll be spending 20 minutes in the tank and 40 minutes running. My goal is to run the entire Fun Run with my babies - we'll see how that goes!

New 2011 Goal: Run in the NYC New Year's Eve 5K in heels! I know I promised Spencer Times Square.. and I will attempt to pull off both in one single night.