Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Crutchin' Down Broadway

Kristie, Tee, Robert, Katey, Tina, Andy and I ventured to Broadway on Friday night. This one's for you Liz: "IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME"

Katey and Kristie made way through the Stage's crowd so I could climb the stairs and grab a table on the second floor. This was the perfect spot for people watching. Kristie said that people were telling her left and right "Your friend is amazing!" and "How awesome!" My favorite person told me, "Wow. Get it girl!" We people watched from above. Notable moments:

1. Bartender had the largest jugs I've ever seen. I'm pretty sure her bra size was J. Clearly these were NOT real. No one seemed to mind except our girlfriends.

2. A group of 8 Irishmen wearing camo t-shirts were causing quite the ruckus. Suddenly, there was a loud CRASH. Man is now lying on the floor, I thought he was injured. Nope, just drunk. His buddy (did I mention they took off their shirts) lays on top of him and starts thrusting. Then, the orgy began. Two additional shirtless Irishmen piled on top! Humping continued. Lastly, a fifth man placed an equally as drunk bachelorette on top of the pile for a photoshoot. She fell off pretty quickly.

3. Kristie and I decided it was time to make a move and head home. We crutched to the back stairs and found a 250 lb man passed out on the staircase. We're talking dead weight here. 5, count it 5 bouncers were trying to get him up and out. It looked hopeless so we decided to push through the crowds.

4. While crutching across Broadway (at a cross walk while it said CROSS), a car attempted to make a turn into me. Not only did I yell, "What is wrong with you?! I'm on crutches!" While yelling, two very nice young men blocked Kristie and I from the on-going car. He said it was a thank you for helping him escape the Stage. He followed behind us as we made our way through the crowds.

Overall, my first night on the town on crutches: success.

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